These Advice from My Dad Which Helped Us as a New Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a couple of days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."