🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American psychotherapist focusing on treating sexual disorders.